


Poems of impulse (words of regret)

by PxstelleLxmons



Series: It's a universe of universes (write it all down for me, honey) [4]
Category: Original Work
Genre: But i kinda like it, Gen, Help, I don't know how to tag this, I just wrote this in like thirty minutes, I seriously don't know how to tag this, Ok so-, all my poems have a fic they match up to, how do you tag poetry?, i keep misspelling poem, im using this to dump all my crappy poetry in, its not even funny anymore i feel so stupid, this is strange cuz i only write poetry for like-homework purposes, this realates to another one of my works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:34:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26637421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PxstelleLxmons/pseuds/PxstelleLxmons
Summary: When do we lose our innocence? Is it at a certain age? Or after certain events?
Series: It's a universe of universes (write it all down for me, honey) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1900336
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	1. innocence

**Author's Note:**

> This is supposed to be a companion piece to one of my other works, but like since there are no actual like characters in it, this could stand alone by itself.

When do we truly lose our innocence?

Do we lose it when we hear our first bad word?

When we speak not so nice words about a not so nice person?

When the line between wrong and right, good and evil,

Becomes more and more grey?

Or do we lose it at a certain age?

A number that marks the expiration date of your safety net. 

At eighteen, when you are now considered an adult and innocence becomes ignorance,

Or nine, when all the evils in the world can only appear as the monsters under your bed coming out to get you again.

Maybe, perhaps, our innocence is lost when our brain can no longer filter out the worst of the world. And shield our eyes from the darkness that lurks.

When we are forced to learn and  _ memorize _ the fact that we are sometimes never truly safe.

When the stress becomes too much and we can’t be bothered to hold the goodness in our hearts.

That everyone is a potential victim, whose monster is taking their sweet time coming out from under the bed. Then we get older and start to learn about the monster some more, how to subdue it’s wrath, to hold on for a little longer or forever

Or, maybe,

It’s lost when we start to become the monster under our bed.


	2. celestial lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess imma be using this to dump all my crappy excuses of poetry in.

Are these stars in my eyes?

I can almost feel the navy skies

But they’ll never compare to you

Your eyes, your lips, your nose

Not even the sun could compete with you

You feel so far away, I’m almost suffocating from the longing

The desire--to hold you close, keep you from the rest of the world

But you’re such a wild spirit, I could only dream

To be deserving of your attention

Even if it’s only for a second

They call me the sun, the ones who don’t know me

They know me as unreachable, untouchable

But if I’m at the top of the world, you’re at the top of the sky 

I’ve always loved your carefree spirit 

The way it twists and turns 

No one could ever hope to restrain

but I cherish the moments 

Your raging storm clams down enough 

To let me join in the eye

Closed off from the world

Just you and i

You are the night sky 

And I am the sun

But you shine brighter than I could ever hope to

Look, darling, do you see the sky? 

The moon is placed to shine on you

Do you see the stars?

I hung them just for you


	3. snapshots: polarized

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha ill post part two later

Day one:

I like pictures

Like the way they capture a memory

A second in a minute of infinite time

A small square of a bigger scene

Decided this when I stole a picture of you

With cotton candy on your nose, so pink against your skin

I like pictures

Liked the fact I was able to capture that moment of you with them

  
  


Day 2:

I preferred polaroids though, always have, always will

Owned only three in my entire life,

broke the first teal one after a week, a pity it was,

the pink one suddenly stopped working, I guess it reached the end of its line

The black one, I’m sure of this, was  _ magic _

Of course it was, Love, it drew you in, didn’t it?

I took our first picture together with it

Didn't you love how it only captured our lips together?

‘ _ Darn that stupid small lens’,  _ you would have said

But that’s why I love Polaroids 

People use them to make the most imperfect shots beautiful 

I used them to make the most insignificant moments, _special_

  
  


Day 3:

You were distant that day

I honestly half expected a raging fire to burst out of you

But instead got a pile of simmering coals

Waiting to be reignited

I only took one picture of you that day

All I remember was that it was a Thursday

There was only a glimpse of a smile the entire day

Then your walls came shooting back up

I wished you trusted me more then

We probably wouldn’t be where we are now if you did

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idek if this classifies as a poem. should i just make an entirely separate fic for my short stories? also lol, cliffhangers? am i right?


	4. memories: reminisced

Day 4:

You were still distant, just quieter

The results came back today

I remember locking myself in my room

Regretting every moment I spent angry at you

When I could have been cuddled up next to you

You wiped my tears dry, _my tears_

I felt like crying all over again

_God, a month will never feel enough_

I still remember what you said that day

‘ _Life will deal us our stack of cards, you’ll never be guaranteed a win_

_But you have to play with what you’re given, play a good game till the end’_

So I said, let’s give them a hell of a game

  
  


Day 5:

I’m sorry for running out of the room

Guess I’m not used to seeing you 

so pale, so still, so- _-lifeless_

The worst part was

I couldn’t do anything

The chemo was working, _it was working!_

What went wrong?

I left to get you your favorite cake

Vanilla, simple like you

Then the doctors told me the news

It had crept on them, by time they caught it 

It was too late...

Day 6:

I moved out of our old apartment

I bought a house instead, with a front and back porch with a white picket fence and everything

The sun shines through the window in the morning, it hits my face directly

( ~~You shined brighter than any ball of gas in the sky~~ )

I'm sorry, you probably wouldn't have like that, but I've been weak compared to you

You were the one that dragged us one adventure, I was content to follow 

I still have the polaroids. Almost burned them even.

My mom wouldn't let me though

So I bought one of those fairy lights you used to have in your room and clipped them on

It hangs over _( ~~our~~ )_ my bed, i turn it on in the night

So it feels like I'm basking in your glow always

Just like it used to be

Maybe one day I'll move it somewhere not so obvious,

Won't tear up every time I look at the photos for too long.

I can't move on though, I'll never be able to

I can almost hear your voice now, shouting at me live my life, not to give up just because you're not here

_But I can't_

~~_I feel like I'm slipping and it's only been 3 weeks._ ~~

Day 7:

It's been a while since I've written in this book. About 3 months now.

I had to stop for a while, the therapist said it wasn't healthy for me to be in close contact with 

a book that reminded me of my darker days.

Today, though, she said I was ready to look back and continue writing.

I still have the house, though, I pack up and traveled around the state for a month.

Next time I'm traveling the country, starting small then going big.

Just like you wanted to.

I'm healing, it'll take time. I've moved the polaroids over the fireplace, as a little dedication to you.

I carry the first polaroid I took of you in my wallet, so you can travel with me.

I know you're watching over me, from where ever you are now

Thank you, for being the light in my life.

And inspiring me to take the first step towards adventure.

We'll swap polaroids when I meet you, we'll laugh over the horrible quality and bad angles.

I miss you. I always will.

I love you, always have, always will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, and sorry i haven't been uploading my usual fic. I'm stuck in writer block. Bear with me, thanks.


	5. and all your perfect imperfections

* * *

It's a little funny how we met, the initial distrust between us, well from you at least. I remember trusting you with my entire being.

You were out of my league for so many years, making the earth around you bend to your will, making the sun second place.

I like to call you the eighth wonder of the world, never out loud though, you'd probably hit me if I did. 

There was always something...magical about you. I always feel so, _ordinary_ around you. I kinda like it that way though.

You're more equipped to handle the wonders of other dimensions, while I support you from the background. The rock you can rest on when the adventures become too much. 

I hate it when you underestimate yourself. Don't you know that you're destined for great things? The changes you could make to the world if you unlocked your full potential? 

Remember me though, when you're out there in the world doing great things. Lay on me, please, when you're feeling down. Count on me, with anything you feel can. 

Wow, this was short. But I think actions speak louder than words. 

I'm coming, don't wait up, I'll join you soon.

I always do.


End file.
